Tips for Navigating Adoption in Schools

School can be a wonderful place for children to grow, learn, and build friendships. However, for adoptees and adoptive families, it can also come with unique challenges. Whether it’s filling out paperwork, answering teachers’ questions, or preparing your child for classroom conversations, adoption often shows up in ways we might not expect. The good news is, with some planning and advocacy, you can help create a supportive environment where your child feels safe and understood. Let’s explore some tips for navigating adoption in schools.

Prepare for the Paperwork

It usually starts with forms. Enrollment documents and emergency contacts often ask for “mother” and “father” instead of “parent/guardian.” Some schools are more up-to-date with inclusive language than others. If you come across outdated language, don’t hesitate to politely suggest alternatives. You can share a quick note to administration or the principal stating, “Could this be updated to say parent/guardian? The way it’s worded now doesn’t quite fit all families.” This not only helps your child but enlightens educators and also makes things smoother for future families.

Talk to Teachers Early

At the beginning of the school year, consider scheduling a short meeting or sending an introduction email to your child’s teacher. Not every detail of your child’s story needs to be shared. You can decide what you feel comfortable with and what is important for supporting your child in their classroom. It’s also helpful for teachers to know the terminology you use in your home and how your child describes their family. Example: In our home, we speak very openly about adoption and her biological mom and sisters. Sally calls her birth mom “Momma Kara” and she has three biological sisters who don’t live with us. 

Reframe Family Projects

Elementary students often do family background projects such as family trees, baby picture boards, or “heritage day”. This can often feel complicated for adopted children. In your teacher introduction, ask to be notified in advance of any family background projects and offer ways for the project to be inclusive of adoption. An easy example is the family tree project. You can provide the teacher with alternative templates or ideas such as a family tree with roots, “family forest,” “family house,” or “circle of care.” These options allow children to include all the important people in their lives without having to choose between birth and adoptive relatives.

Practice Responses Together

Children are naturally curious and ask a lot of questions. For adoptees, some questions they could get from peers is; “Why don’t you look like your mom/dad?”,  “Where is your real parents?” or “where did you come from?” While kids don’t usually mean harm, those questions can feel intrusive or hard to answer for kids of all ages. Role-playing with your child at home can help them feel confident in responding. Some families use simple phrases like, “That’s private, I don’t want to answer” and walking away or “Families are made in different ways.” The goal it to provide adoptees tools for handling curiosity with confidence.

Advocate for Inclusive Curriculum

Social studies, history, and even literature can bring up adoption themes. When possible, share resources with teachers that highlight adoption in a positive, realistic way. Many children’s books and lesson plans now portray adoptive families alongside other types of families. By adding these perspectives, school can help normalize adoption for everyone—not just adoptees. 

Build Partnerships with School Staff

Remember that teachers and school counselors are allies. When they understand adoption dynamics, they’re better able to support your child socially and emotionally. Consider providing a few resources—websites, handouts, or book titles—so educators can continue learning. A small effort goes a long way in creating a culture of sensitivity and respect.

Final Thoughts

Navigating adoption in schools isn’t always straightforward, but it’s an opportunity to teach resilience, advocacy, and pride in your family’s story. By preparing ahead, building open communication with teachers, and equipping your child with tools to respond confidently, you’re helping pave the way for a more inclusive school experience.

After all, every child deserves to feel seen, valued, and celebrated for exactly who they are—and adoption is simply one of the many beautiful ways families are formed.

Molly has been with Adoption Center of Illinois since October 2013 as a expectant parent counselor after graduating from the University of Iowa in 2013 with a BA in Social Work. After four years at ACI, Molly returned to her studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago and earned her MSW. After graduating in 2018, she returned to ACI as an expectant parent counselor as well as assisting in the domestic home study services program.